By Lipa Rath

Nov 14 2019

One of my old friends leaned over and whispered into my ears, “You know Lipa, you did the right thing by divorcing your ex when your daughter was only 3 years old. Our children are much older now and it’s has been so suffocating living in a marriage that is toxic and unbearable. We thought we should stay together for our children’s sake but what they have witnessed is a lot of bickering, blaming and abusive behavior. It’s a shame that we assumed that our marriage should be like our parents; no choices, a social imposition- just endure it because they endured hardship, despair and suffering. Hence it must continue… and look what we are doing, we are repeating the same pattern!”

She went on, “But you see what that martyrdom did to them- unhappy, always compromising, never sure what happened to them after doing so much of puja and fasting. Sometimes it’s hard to call my mother because you have to have half hour to listen to all her aches and pains and troubles with patience. I’m so full of guilt that I can’t give my mother the time and yet I know that talking to her bears me down! I don’t want to end up becoming ‘that mother’ to my children.”

Her siblings are of no help. “When my sisters hear the word ‘divorce’ they freeze in fear. They dissuade me like I’m the craziest person on earth. But I have decided that I am not going to take their opinion about my decision. I think the children would be happy to see us being civil to one another and caring for them. That’s truly what they care for. We just have to be fair to each other splitting our finances and support. Because there is nothing called security if you don’t pray and understand that all your life an invisible hand has been taking care of you. Alas, for far too long I have chased security and sought righteousness in the process I’ve undermined my self-dignity. Now I have to have faith and use my common sense while being grateful. And when I’m grateful I will have more things to be grateful for.”

Her facial expressions softened, “After years when my children would call me I would excitedly tell them how I saw an angel cloud or a rainbow or a feather, a colourful dragonfly. I’m sure that would also make them curious to talk to me more often. I would explore and do things that I never done in my whole life.”

She took a deep breath and exhaled. Resolved and collected she came up with a firm decision, “Let me tear up the old and expired contract. I know I’m meant to have endless joy.”

We hugged each other. She said, “Thank you Lipa, seeing you I feel all this is possible for me too!”